She and Me

I am my biggest fear
I am my biggest enemy
There are these pits of darkness
That I see
They may blur my vision
But beyond it, seems peace

Sweet lilies are meaning less
There’s firmness in her voice
There’s a distance
Perhaps it’s better that way
There she is again, talking to me

She says, softly… so bare.
I almost don’t hear her
She says, “Don’t right this
This is bullshit
You know you should write something else”
She judges every thought that flows

The music is amazing,
I am on the streets of a magical city, alone
There she is.. I smell her
Inside me, festering
She’s up to something
I am on a high, but I feel the hair entangle my thoughts
Brilliant light in the dark, cold night

A hand reaches out,
“What are you doing here?”
I stop! Is she right?
The air is thick
I am breathing… of course I am!
She is breathing!
I’m lost and there’s no one to turn except her
She is with me
So often!
I think again
What am I doing here?

I should probably jump
Jump! Right into the beautiful river
Unleash me from myself

But how can this be,
I dreamed of being on a boat,
On a starry night
A boy kissing me… softly
Yes, a fantasy it maybe…
But she said “No”
I am being silly aren’t I?

To show myself,
To not get judged
But, does it matter?

The boat disappears
The boy too..
They all turn into mist

Here I am back again,
Where I had started
Just as I was before
And the only one with me
She.
It seems like forever ago
But she remains
A stone etched…

The Elephant and his Mrs.

1977, Mumbai
She was young and ambitious,
She was interested in a career.
She then decided that’s not what she wanted
Not what she wanted, after all.
She was 24 and marriage was on the cards
She was Neela.

26 and earning a sizeable amount
His mother wanted to become a grandmother soon
He was in no hurry, but didn’t mind the idea.
He was Uday.

Then there was the “Matrimonial Man”
In his little room, filled with leather bound registers,
He held the key to a “hopefuls” life
A match made in heaven perhaps?
The search is on for your better half

Matunga, Mumbai
An actor and doctor rejected
Perhaps too soon, parents displeasure
Who would the next idiot be?
Would he match up?
As the clock ticked, it was apparent
The wait would be over soon,
Another person to judge
Neela awaited his arrival.

Cooked to perfection,
The prawns
Simmer and boil
The curry

With every step, they were closer
With every step, he got closer to the aroma.
And before he knew it
Uday was at the door of the Joshi household

Neela saw him
Whispers into her mother’s ear
“The Little Baby Elephant”

Usual banter.
The knowing of common friends and relatives
The unusual silence amongst the parents
The children then get sent away to “talk”

But before they talk,
Neela see’s all of him, this time
There’s one bigger problem, it’s more than just Elephant fat
It’s called a Fly
Unfortunately after noticing the Fly
There was just one thought in her mind,
Should I tell him? Embarrass him?
Deciding against it, the conversation “charm”
They spoke, one hour.

The Gokhalay’s were about to leave.
She had been waiting for this moment
Her little test
She said very sweetly
Everyone heard
“Uday, your fly is open.”
Her parents were a little shocked
Uday’s mother was mortified,
Her son was looking to get married
And he couldn't wear his pants.

Pretence
Six people standing at the doorway
And everyone acted as if no one heard a thing
He didn’t do a thing about it,
Till the door was shut behind him

She had her little test
Now if he called, she would
Probably
say Yes
If it meant travelling all over the world
On a ship, even after being scared of water
She felt she was ready to do it.

He did call
The Fly left him undeterred

Lunches Dinners Movies
They got to know one another

14th October, 1977
Marriage Registrar, Mumbai
The parents
Bride and Groom
Two signatures.

Lunch was served.